Without the Lampshade-My hilarious drinking years revisited

During the period covered in my book, WITHOUT THE LAMPSHADE - How I Learned to Love my Brown Martini, my expectations were that I would not live past the age of fifty-five based on the amount of booze I drank and the number of cigarettes I smoked. When I shared this with friends and relatives, and they saw me in action, they agreed. Somehow I made it to eighty-four and decided I was meant to chronicle these hilarious years of inebriation. Here is some of the fun and games.

Did you ever wake up under a chicken coop covered with overnight droppings? I have. Have you ever barbecued yourself on a hot stove? I did. Have you ever come home smashed, ending up the unintended clown for your daughters’ sleepover? I did. Can you turn into Fred Astaire on the dance floor after several drinks? I can. Were you ever so hungover you forgot your own name? I was. Have you ever, in an inebriated state, almost run into a house on wheels in the middle of the street you were driving on? I did. Did you ever turn down a drink that tanked a business? I did. 

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I once went with my brother-in-law for a haircut, an excuse to go to a bar, and lost him for three days. In Vegas at the 21 table I drank myself into oblivion just because the drinks were free. I almost fell off the roof of the Peabody Hotel, smashed, looking for the famous ducks. Once I spent fifteen minutes behind a parked car after smoking pot and drinking martinis, because I thought the car was turning right. I had a three-martini lunch with Dorothy Parker. I was saved by my daughter from asphyxiation when I passed out in a running car in front of our house.

“WITHOUT THE LAMPSHADE - How I Learned to Love my Brown Martini” is my tale of boozing through roughly twenty-five years of my life, performing some hilarious antics that defy belief. In a quarter century I made it my job, a career, if you will, to pursue hard drinking in lieu of becoming the typical working stiff. It was more important to get to the bar for the first drink than work late for advancement. But I was still lucky, mostly finding people and companies that drank as much as I did. I was a happy drunk that has one hell of an adventure to relate.

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