Without the Lampshade-You can have fun with this book

I am the author of Without the Lampshade and I must confess that I still laugh at those bizarre events in my life that occurred over 35 years ago. Perhaps a bit narcissistic, but my feats of imbibing were funny, sometime hilarious, most of them anyway. But I reformed, haven’t had a drink or a cigarette in over three-and-one-half decades. Stopped cold-turkey one frigid, rainy Sunday morning; something I later found out could be dangerous. This was the day I turned to large amounts of regular coffee to replace the booze and nicotine sticks, thus, my subtitle, How I Learned to Love my Brown Martini.

Some antics you may not believe: Did you ever wake up under a chicken coop covered with overnight droppings? I have. Have you ever barbecued yourself on a hot stove? I did. Have you ever come home smashed, ending up the unintended clown for your daughters’ sleepover? I did. Can you turn into Fred Astaire on the dance floor after several drinks? I can. Were you ever so hungover you forgot your own name? I was. Have you ever, in an inebriated state, almost run into a house on wheels in the middle of the street you were driving on? I did. Just a few of the poignant exploits you’ll find in my book.

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At my pinnacle, I put away a quart of Scotch and four packs of cigarettes a day; things were much cheaper then. Without the Lampshade - How I Learned to Love my Brown Martini is my tale of boozing through roughly twenty-five years of my life, performing some hilarious capers that defy belief. In a quarter century I made it my job, a career, if you will, to pursue hard drinking in lieu of becoming the typical working stiff. It was more important to get to the bar for the first drink than work late for advancement. But I was still lucky, mostly finding people and companies that drank as much as I did.

Sixty-six percent of the American public drinks, so included in a majority like that I thought I should at least do my part. When you search “humor” and “drinking” on Amazon.com there are 185,000 hits for the former, 17,000 for the latter. There is an audience for each and when you combine the two, plus the uniqueness of my title, I believe Lampshade’s 64,683 words will provide readers a good read. Frank Sinatra said, “Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.” I gave it my best over the 25+ years, until I realized I had to quit to live. And now I do.

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Without the Lampshade-My hilarious drinking years revisited

During the period covered in my book, WITHOUT THE LAMPSHADE - How I Learned to Love my Brown Martini, my expectations were that I would not live past the age of fifty-five based on the amount of booze I drank and the number of cigarettes I smoked. When I shared this with friends and relatives, and they saw me in action, they agreed. Somehow I made it to eighty-four and decided I was meant to chronicle these hilarious years of inebriation. Here is some of the fun and games.

Did you ever wake up under a chicken coop covered with overnight droppings? I have. Have you ever barbecued yourself on a hot stove? I did. Have you ever come home smashed, ending up the unintended clown for your daughters’ sleepover? I did. Can you turn into Fred Astaire on the dance floor after several drinks? I can. Were you ever so hungover you forgot your own name? I was. Have you ever, in an inebriated state, almost run into a house on wheels in the middle of the street you were driving on? I did. Did you ever turn down a drink that tanked a business? I did. 

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I once went with my brother-in-law for a haircut, an excuse to go to a bar, and lost him for three days. In Vegas at the 21 table I drank myself into oblivion just because the drinks were free. I almost fell off the roof of the Peabody Hotel, smashed, looking for the famous ducks. Once I spent fifteen minutes behind a parked car after smoking pot and drinking martinis, because I thought the car was turning right. I had a three-martini lunch with Dorothy Parker. I was saved by my daughter from asphyxiation when I passed out in a running car in front of our house.

“WITHOUT THE LAMPSHADE - How I Learned to Love my Brown Martini” is my tale of boozing through roughly twenty-five years of my life, performing some hilarious antics that defy belief. In a quarter century I made it my job, a career, if you will, to pursue hard drinking in lieu of becoming the typical working stiff. It was more important to get to the bar for the first drink than work late for advancement. But I was still lucky, mostly finding people and companies that drank as much as I did. I was a happy drunk that has one hell of an adventure to relate.

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Without the Lampshade-A fun book on serious but reformed drinking

DID YOU EVER WAKE UP UNDER A CHICKEN COOP covered with overnight droppings? I have. Have you ever barbecued yourself on a hot stove? I did. Have you ever come home smashed, ending up the unintended clown for your daughters’ sleepover? I did. Were you ever so hungover you forgot your own name? I was. I once went with my brother-in-law for a haircut, an excuse to go to a bar, and lost him for three days. I almost fell off the roof of the Peabody Hotel, smashed, looking for the famous ducks. 

BUY IT AT AMAZON  

WITHOUT THE LAMPSHADE - How I Learned to Love my Brown Martini is my tale of boozing through roughly twenty-five years of my life, performing some hilarious antics that defy belief. In a quarter century I made it my job, a career, if you will, to pursue hard drinking in lieu of becoming the typical working stiff. It was more important to get to the bar for the first drink than work late for advancement. But I was still lucky, mostly finding people and companies that drank as much as I did. I was a happy drunk that has one hell of an adventure to relate.

BUY IT AT AMAZON